I have been a warrior for as long as I can remember. From defending my little brother in neighborhood fights to taking on the school bully when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. He used to knock everyone down and loved picking on my brother and me. ‘Bobby the Bully’ was a large 5th grader and the day I knocked him to the ground (looking back I think he probably fell on purpose) he kissed me and then pulled up my skirt. That’s when I refused to wear a skirt or dress to school ever again btw!
When I was 11 or 12 I was in the back seat of our car driving through Old Town Alexandria. While looking out my window I witnessed a man slap a woman in the face – really hard. I opened up my car door to jump out and defend her. I don’t know if my parents saw what happened but I did. I wasn’t going to let that bully hurt her again. Of course my parents stopped me but I was so angry and quite honestly shell-shocked. I guess I didn’t realize that grown-ups hit people too.
As I grew up, I witnessed bullying in different forms. My Dad was a presidential appointee and served multiple presidents advocating for equity in education and working on several committees supporting the homeless and other marginalized groups. He was amazing. Well, he ruffled some feathers in 1991 and got moved from his cool office overlooking the Washington Mall to the basement (literally!). It was a figurative slap in the face and it really hit him hard. That’s when we agreed he was going to start his own consulting business and speak his truth. He and I became warriors in the field of education. I helped with his newsletters, conferences, and technology (back then it was WordStar, DOS, and dial up!) and he traveled the country and spoke to leaders, educators, faith-based organizations, and grass-roots organizers championing for what is right, for his truth.
So, here I am – free of the corporate constraints since late January and doing my best to speak my truth. This is the life I have technically dreamed of, but I’m holding back.
Why?
Fear of judgement, fear of repercussion, fear of hurting those I care about, fear of…
Many of those fears are valid (in my mind at least) – we have always kept our views fairly tempered as my hubby is here on a green card. Being scrutinized by the US Government is not one of our favorite past-times. We tend to have a different view of the world than the majority, however, we hold firm to our view that kindness and civility are end goals – ALWAYS!
So, yesterday the universe put me to the test big time. The gist of it is I shared a legitimate post (I verified source and looked at multiple sources to confirm the presented information) on Facebook. Ok, so mistake #1 – posting anything other than puppies, kids, pretty photos, and funny and powerful memes is off limits. I was going to put food in that list too but I’ve seen people get bashed for sharing food photos. Anyway — I digress as always!
I ruffled feathers and it was someone I truly care about… A person I have known and admired for years. She has been a rock-star Mom and entrepreneur who has had such a positive impact on her community. I burst into tears as soon as I realized the impact my post had.
Not sure why I always ‘assume’ that those who are in my circle share all of my views – or that I share all of theirs – something I’m working through. Because of her feedback both on Facebook and through private messages I chose to delete and pause my responses. My inner warrior was confused and I was a mess all day as the fire raged within but my mind stifled my spirit.
Jeff and I had many a discussion about how I could ‘fix’ the situation while still getting what I thought was a very needed message out there. I think he wanted me to drop it, as it was truly causing great conflict for me. Meanwhile another dear friend and I had been talking — she was sharing her and her family’s warrior activities and I was so proud of her – for speaking and living her truth – and for modeling that for her family. Why couldn’t I stand in my truth? Why couldn’t I have a voice without feeling guilty or scared that I was going to hurt someone?
In the end, there was nothing I truly needed to do as the post I had shared was being re-shared and discussed positively on LinkedIn and Facebook – the author was getting a lot of traction through his own circle too. However, I felt the damage was done and still doubted myself and my warrior spirit.
I wound up responding to her last night through a private message and said my truth. It wasn’t full-on but it was civil and kind. I totally respect her views and that she is technically doing what she does for the same reasons I do – for our children’s future and their well-being. We are on polar opposites of the view, however, I’m ok with that for now.
Can we co-exist and maintain friendship despite our differences? I hope so! I’ve spent the better part of 52 years being friends with so many people, and a vast majority of them don’t share all of my views.
I will warrior on and although I will maintain my filters of civility and kindness, I am done being tethered. I built Forged to bring light to the darkness. I built Forged to bring a voice to those who need to be heard. I know that we are all in need of tempering and forging. In fact I have this information on my home page of the Forged by Life website:
Metal is put under force and fire to create a shape and form. The goal of working the metal under extreme pressure is to change the uniform grain flow to be multi-directional increasing its durability and strength. By putting the metal through the forging process, it gains higher fatigue resistance and strength.
Playing it small and keeping my voice down does not help me grow. Nor does it serve this world. We all need forging to gain higher fatigue resistance and strength.
For all of us who are standing back waiting for the right time to find your voice, that time is now. Don’t let your voice be drowned out by the noise of this world. It’s time!
Your voice matters – don’t forget though, it’s not about getting louder when you don’t feel heard, it’s about being kind, civil, and adjusting your message if needed. Find others who will stand with you, as there is such power in communities who share vision and messaging.
Peace, love, wellness and powerful voices y’all! Warrior on!
Oh, and while doing a search for quotes and images I found this RedBubble Store – love his designs!
Struggling with life, with work, with being? 
One voice makes a difference. There are now alternatives to places like the bullies at Facebook and Twitter, too, who try to squelch voices of dissent. I use several of them.
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