(trigger warning – my brother ‘chose’ suicide)
My brother, Sean O’Malley, lost hope 10 years ago this March (2022). We tried everything, but nothing was helping him fight the battle against a disease we didn’t understand yet. His death brought light to the darkness many were facing. We know know that darkness as CTE. Despite the daemons and the struggles, he lived a very full and powerful life, and I can not represent that accurately without sharing his final Earthly action which was death by suicide.
A dear soul sister wrote me last week and said she was going to share my brother’s ‘Against All Odds – College Football Highlight video (bel0w) with her son who wants to play football. I haven’t watched this video since my brother died by ‘choosing’ suicide in 2012. Sean was a famous motivation fitness coach (and former football rock star), who battled what we now know as CTE. I’ll be completely up front on this – I used to love football, but it’s been really hard to watch for the past 10 years without thinking about how it stole my brother’s life. (keep reading as I have a feeling I’m going to be releasing and letting go of this anger and resentment)
Oh, how I loved watching him play in high school and college – on all-star teams and in practices. He was so powerful, fast, and smart!
After watching the above video, I realized something. Football is what made him so great. Yes, he was smart, but no one ever saw him that way due to learning differences. He was stocky and ‘short’, so he focused on building physical strength and stamina. And, when no one was paying much attention, he put his smarts, stamina, size and strength to work for him and overcame ALL obstacles.
After injury prevented the pro career he dreamed of, he looked to keep his passions in play and created what was then knows as Earthwalker – where he served as a fitness coach packaged in a CD format. The concept took off and he rebranded as (and patented the concept for downloadable workouts) through HIIT Coach and CardioCoach. At that point, Jeff and I were involved in helping with the company – as were some amazing soul family who are still part of our tribe to this day. We all have continued on Sean’s legacy in so many ways. In fact, after his company was stolen from us (false signatures and document filings) following Sean’s death, we gave up on the legal battle (international and costly) and created Cardio Coach Legacy as a tribute to Sean and the influence he had.
Sean always taught me perseverance and to start everything from my heart. I know it seems dichotomous, as he chose to take his own life after a series of major emotional and physical traumas. He was a warrior to the end, and I am beginning to accept it is CTE that took his life, not suicide or even football.
I miss Sean more than I can say. We used to talk every night, we worked together all the time.
He was Jeff’s dear friend, he was Emma’s uncle, he lived with us during his struggle – so I saw all of it – the great, the really bad, and the really ugly. But, no matter what, he was present with Emma playing ball in the front yard and being the best uncle for her ever!
Sean is what it looks like when we give life everything we’ve got! He was a huge spark that lived life so fully. His life and death impacted so many. I’ve never seen my parents church so full (standing room only) for his funeral. People Sean had never met, other than through the workouts, flew in from around the world.
I don’t think Sean realized the impact he had on others. I know he didn’t realize what CTE was doing to him. Despite all the doubt and the struggle, he made such a huge difference!
I can’t help but want to be that – do that! I can’t help but choose triumph over doubt. I can’t help but go against all odds and make a difference in my life, and hopefully through my actions help others. It must be in my DNA… Here’s to you ‘little’ brother! Thanks for being my inspiration today and every day! I love you always Shmoo!
Struggling with life, with work, with being? 